


The Fall

by theflyinganonymouse



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Canon, M/M, Sickfic, more gen than romance, unrequited!Yugyeom/Mark, yugyeom pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyinganonymouse/pseuds/theflyinganonymouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started and ended with three bodies hitting the floor, not that Yugyeom would realise that until much later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

He hadn't been too worried in the beginning. They had all been beyond exhausted at that point, sick, too, each one of them just getting over or just coming down with the flu, or else caught somewhere in-between. He honestly believed, through the thick fog of fatigue that had clouded his every waking moment over those last few days, that they had just been pushed too far this time and Mark, who had been the sickest of the them all, his cheeks permanently flushed red for the last week and body shuddering despite the many layers he wore, had been the first to fall.

That wasn't to say he hadn't been as shocked as anyone else when Mark didn't make his jump. He had heard the dull thuds of bodies hitting the stage floor even over the screaming crowd. But it had been Jackson's short shout of surprise that had pulled him from the thoughts in his head, those that counted down the time until they could leave the stage using the ingrained movements of his body as a means of measuring seconds, and he turned to look behind him.

Jaebum was struggling to pull himself from underneath Jackson even as the other was pushing himself up onto his knees, eyes wide, so wide that Yugyeom could see the white. If he had thought about it, tried to analyse the situation instead of just staring, stupidly, he would have thought that he looked frightened. But he didn't. Instead his eyes slipped down to Mark.

He had been an inch away from crashing into him when he landed, that was the first thing that Yugyeom noticed. The second was the rattle of Mark's chest as he took huge, heaving breaths. Lying on his front, his face was hidden from sight, cushioned on folded arms.

He didn't try to get up.

Then action caught up with thought and Yugyeom was the first to make any significant movement. Already on his knees, he swivelled so he was crouched at Mark's shoulder. The music was still playing and Jaebum was on his feet at last, urging the others to keep dancing and to not forget their audience.

Jackson settled at Mark's other side and avoided the hand already on Mark's back and instead pulled at his shoulders.

Yugyeom could feel the heat radiating from Mark's body, could feel it trembling under his touch, as he rubbed circles in the space between his shoulder blades and, silently, tried to urge him into action. He could smell the bitter tang of iron and he knew that Mark had hurt himself.

Jackson looked at Yugyeom when Mark didn't seem willing to move and without any words they pulled at him, first getting Mark onto his knees before finally dragging him to his feet. Mark hadn't seemed to have helped them at all. His hands were instead occupied with the blood flooding from his nose, one hovering over the source, not quite sure what to do, the other cupping the rapidly cooling liquid as it spilled over his chin.

They managed to get him off the stage just in time for the song to end. It had seemed to have taken hours but the whole thing had happened in less than a minute. Yugyeom's head swam and his stomach turned, the smell of the blood making him feel sick. He was glad when Mark was pulled out his arm's reach and surrounded by staff who pulled at his hands and pressed a towel to his face and dabbed at his ruined clothes.

They were meant to be performing another song but the others had followed them into the wings when stage-hands had ran onto the stage to mop away the evidence of what had happened with towels that would have to been thrown away when they were finished.

"What happened?" Jaebum demanded and his voice was sharper than it needed to be.

Yugyeom felt the indignation rise up in his chest even as Jackson glared. Mark didn't even look at their leader and instead pulled himself from well-meaning hands. The red that was soaking the towel and spilt down the front of his t-shirt made him as look as pale as Yugyeom had ever seen him. He wanted to follow Mark when he pushed his way through the crowd but he didn't. Jaebum's glare was now fixed on him and his feet were rooted to the spot. Only their manager's hand on Jackson's shoulder kept him in place.

"There's one more song left." Their manager reminded them.

"So?" Yugyeom asked and suddenly his exhaustion overwhelmed him. Tears pricked at his eyes and he wanted nothing more than to curl up somewhere soft and warm and sleep for a thousand years.

Bambam wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him into his body heat. Yugyeom rested his head on his shoulder and tried not to cry.

He was tired beyond any kind of rational thought. His whole body _ached_. He wanted to go home. His throat was raw and his eyes burned.

He wanted to go home.

"We have a job to do." Jaebum said but he was exhausted as well. It radiated off him in waves.

Jinyoung pressed the back of his hand against Yugyeom's forehead and sighed, "I think he has a fever."

Yugyeom bit back a sob and missed Jinyoung's hand when it fell back to his side.

"I want to go home."

"Yugyeommie..." Jaebum murmured, torn.

But the decision was made for him because suddenly Youngjae was keeling over, only saved from hitting the floor by the half a dozen hands that grabbed for him.

"We need to go home." Jinyoung said, trying to be the voice of reason.

"We need to go to the hospital." Jackson spat. His face was grey and covered in a sheen of sweat. He had Mark's drying blood on his hands.

"I want to go home." Yugyeom said again and he couldn't hold back his sobs any longer.

They went to the hospital.

They took it in turns seeing a doctor and Yugyeom, who was one of the first to be seen, was attached to a drip as a nurse tutted at him and smoothed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. He was given his own narrow bed and told to rest. Bambam, who had been seen straight after him, joined him in the minutes before he fell asleep and Yugyeom managed a small quirk of the lips when he saw Bambam had escaped being stuck with a drip, too.

He was woken when the saline bag he was connected to was empty and another doctor checked him over before he was released from the hospital.

He didn't remember the journey back to the dorm. When he thought about it afterwards, he had only the faintest impressions of being cradled against someone's chest, nose tucked into a warm neck, being carried like a child and then later small, gentle hands coaxing him into his pyjamas.

When he next woke he felt human again.

He was still tired but at least awake enough for the rumbling in his stomach and the ache of his bladder to coax him from bed.

The curtains in his and Bambam's room were firmly shut but through the frosted glass of the bathroom window he could see that it was dark outside. He relieved himself before before splashing his face with cold water. The mirror had fog on it so he knew someone had showered recently.

Jinyoung was leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom door, waiting for him when he emerged. His face split into a relieved smile when he saw Yugyeom. He was quick to pull him into a hug and slow to let go. He kept his arm draped around the younger as he steered him towards the kitchen.

"You look better." He said.

Yugyeom nodded and cleared his throat. He spoke after a moment's pause, "my throat is still sore and my nose is all stuffy but I feel better."

"Hungry, though?"

Yugyeom's stomach answered for him.

Jinyoung made him sit at the table as he heated something up from the fridge for him. He didn't get up when Jaebum came to greet him, instead letting their leader wrap his arms around his shoulders and bury his nose in Yugyeom's greasy hair.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked.

Yugyeom nodded before asking, "were is everyone?"

It was too quiet for whatever time of day it was. The dorm was never quiet like this. He thought that Jaebum tensed for the smallest of moments but he decided he must have just imagined it in his sleep clouded mind because suddenly he was being hugged incredibly tight. Jaebum's breath now tickled at his neck and he shuddered.

"Youngjae's already been up once but he went back to bed after having something to eat. He's through the worst of it now, just needs to catch up his sleep and makes sure he drinks plenty." Jaebum told him.

Jinyoung set down a glass of water on the table, "just the same as you."

Yugyeom took the hint and drained half the glass in one gulp. It was cool and soothed the raw skin of his throat. He took smaller sips as Jinyoung continued to talk.

"I think Bambam's just about recovered. He's been sleeping on the sofa so he wouldn't disturb you. You've needed your rest."

"We'll wake him up once you're done eating." Jaebum said. "He'll be happy to see you up and about."

"Maybe you can convince him to actually sleep in his own bed." Jinyoung muttered, his back to them as he poured steaming soup into a bowl. "He kicks in his sleep."

Jaebum let him go when the bowl was set in front of him, instead slipping into the chair next to him. Jinyoung sank into a chair across the table from then and drank a couple of mouthfuls from a bottle he must have left on the table earlier.

The soup was good. Heavy enough to fill his stomach but not so much that it made him feel sick. The older two watched him as he ate but he paid them no mind. His brain was still too fuzzy with sleep and illness to care too much about anything.

There was a thought, though, nagging at the back of his mind that took him until his spoon was scraping the bottom of the bowl to pin down.

"Where are Jackson and Mark?" He asked and then a jolt of fear shot through him, clearing his mind. The spoon clanked against the porcelain of the bowl as he dropped it. "Is Mark okay?"

He saw Jaebum and Jinyoung share a look but he couldn't work out what it meant.

"You just missed Jackson." Jaebum told him and he looked tired, his words not carrying their usual strength. "He came home about half an hour ago, had a shower and then went straight to bed."

"He'd been at the hospital with Mark hyung, keeping him company." Jinyoung said. "While the doctors do some more checks."

"Why?" Yugyeom asked. "Did he hurt himself when he fell?"

"Yes." Jaebum said. "But there's nothing to worry about."

He could tell that Jaebum wasn't quite telling the truth but was willing to let it rest until a sudden thought struck him.

"Oh God." Yugyeom whispered. "He's going to have to get surgery to fix his nose, isn't he?"

Jinyoung busied himself with clearing away the empty bowl and Jaebum refused to meet his eyes.

"That- that's not too bad." Yugyeom forced himself to smile, though sadness welled in his chest. Mark had a pretty nose. "Mark hyung will be home soon?"

"Tomorrow, we hope." Jaebum said and he changed the subject, "shall we go wake Bambam?"

Yugyeom stayed awake another half an hour before retreating back to bed, Bambam in tow, and when he woke up in the morning Jackson and Jaebum were gone. He showered while Jinyoung made him breakfast and when he returned Bambam and Youngjae were sat at the table, dressed in their pyjamas still.

Youngjae grinned at him when he saw him and he stood when Yugyeom approached. They hugged, fiercely if not briefly, the younger pulling away first, his nose scrunched.

“You smell.” He said.

Youngjae and Bambam laughed and the latter made a show of moving his chair away from Youngjae's, sniffing the air around him dramatically and holding his nose.

“I'll shower after breakfast.” Youngjae promised.

Yugyeom took the same seat as the night before and asked, “have Jackson and Jaebum hyung gone to the hospital?”

“Yes.” Jinyoung answered, back still towards them and words short. “They'll be back with Mark hyung before lunch.”

“What's wrong?” Youngjae asked.

“You know hyung is always grumpy on a morning before he has eaten.” Bambam teased. “That's why he always makes breakfast.”

“Are you saying that hyung is being selfish when he cooks for us?” Yugyeom asked, his voice light.

“Bambam, please get me a bowl for this rice.” Jinyoung said without any humour in his voice, drawing laughter from the three youngest.

They ate a simple but hearty breakfast before Youngjae left to shower. Yugyeom half-heartedly helped to clear up afterwards and then retreated to the sofa in the lounge to flick through his phone.

Of course what had happened was still all over social media and Yugyeom felt strangely guilty as he watched a recording from the show, the sound on mute. He watched the impact of Mark's shins on Jackson's side throw them both off balance, Jackson tipping into Jaebum and knocking them to the floor with Mark falling over the top of them and landing heavily, unevenly, on his knees and a hand that hadn't been up to the task of keeping his head from contacting the stage. He saw himself react, move to help, and the horror on Jackson's face.

He watched the same 10 seconds again and again and the frown on his face grew deeper and deeper. Something was off and he couldn't put his finger on it but then Jinyoung was cuddling into the sofa next to him and switching on the television and he closed the tab, worried that Jinyoung was going to see what he was looking at.

“How long have we got off?” He asked and he realised he didn't know what day it was anymore. He decided it didn't matter.

“I'm not sure.” Jinyoung answered. “I don't think anyone has decided yet.”

“Are the fans mad?” Yugyeom asked, feeling suddenly bad that he was happy for their days off.

“They're upset but more because of what happened rather than us cancelling our appearances. They know we need to get some rest and that we were pushing too hard.” He said. “Me and Jaebum posted a video while you were sleeping. We've had a lot of support.”

His words were soft and the way he ran his hands through Yugyeom's nearly dry hair was comforting.

He didn't realise he had fallen asleep again until the bodies he had been wedged between moved, his head slipping down to meet thin air and the rest of his body tipping to the side without anything to hold him up, and he grumbled, angrily, as he tried to rouse himself.

Bambam laughed at him and helped him from the sofa, “they're back from the hospital!”

Jaebum looked much the same as he did the night before, tired and his hair messy but okay for the most part. He was carrying one of Mark's rucksacks and dropped it next to the front door in favour of grabbing Yugyeom and Youngjae around the shoulders and pulling them close.

“Hyung!” Yugyeom protested but he didn't try to get away.

The smell of antiseptic clung to his clothes even though he mustn't have been at the hospital for longer than a couple of hours. It made him feel sick.

He watched from under Jaebum's arm as Mark and Jackson stepped further into the dorm. Jackson's face was pulled into a deep frown and Mark's eyes were a bit too bright, his smile a bit too wide. There was something wrong.

Mark's voice was too loud when he cooed over Coco and, from what he could see, his grip a bit too tight. She was still happy to see him, her tail wagging and her tongue licking at Mark's face, but she wriggled and nipped at his hands after less than a minute, obvious signs of wanting to be put down that Mark ignored.

“Hyung-.” Youngjae started because Coco was his baby, too, but Jaebum gave him a _look_ and he shut up, instead looking at their leader with questioning eyes.

Jackson moved closer to Mark and put a hand on his shoulder, “Mark...”

Mark just laughed, too loud, his voice catching in his throat and making him cough so hard his body shook, and set Coco down on the floor.

Then he was everywhere.

It was _too much_ , embarrassing in it's intensity, as he moved from person to person speaking, almost shouting, really, words that didn't fully make sense and were more often than not drowned out by coughs but he seemed desperate, or at least Yugyeom guessed, to be _heard_.

And he didn't stop.

He spent no more than ten minutes focussing on any one person and when Mark was with Yugyeom for the third time he felt about ready to snap. He had no idea what had gotten into his hyung but he wanted it to stop as much for his own sake as for Mark's.

It was obvious he wasn't well still, his cheeks flushed red and his hands shaking, and that he was pushing himself beyond what his body had energy for but no amount of stern glances from Jaebum or gentle coaxing from Jinyoung could get him to slow down. Jackson, who had been ignored almost entirely, looked furious and Yugyeom was surprised that he had kept quiet for as long as he had when he opened his mouth to say something nearly every time Mark spoke.

Yugyeom had seen the bruise on Mark's forehead and down the side of his face, mostly covered by his hair, and he wondered if he'd hit his head harder that the doctors realised. There was no damage to his nose, unlike what he'd expected, and that frightened him because that meant there was something else going on.

It wasn't until the evening meal and the seven of them sitting around the table that things came to a head.

One of the staff had come around with more food than even the seven of them could eat. Most of them had helped set it out on the table – it had been Youngjae's turn with Mark then and no amount of hints could get the older moving in the direction of the food – and set out plates and utensils. Youngjae took the seat next to Yugyeom when Mark was distracted by Coco and ducked his head down to avoid being picked on again.

The only available chair left then was between Jaebum and Jackson and he guessed that it had been no accident. Mark didn't notice when he eventually did sit down. He picked at his food without really eating anything and kept getting out of his chair for no reason at all other than he just couldn't seem to sit still.

Yugyeom followed Youngjae's example and kept his head low. He could feel the tension in the room rising and knew one of his hyungs were going to lose it.

And they did.

“Are you going to sit down, shut up for one minute and actually eat something?” Jackson snapped at last.

He saw Mark freeze where he was, his jaw snapping shut and the too wide smile slipping from his face, and he just stared at Jackson as if he had grown two heads. The glare Jackson sent in return was fierce and unapologetic.

Yugyeom expected Mark to back down or walk away but he did neither. Instead he shouted back and within seconds Jackson was pushing his chair back from the table and they were at each other's throats. The rest of them were in too much shock to move, to do anything but sit and watch, and then Jackson swung a fist and both of their faces crumpled.

He hadn't hit Mark, of course he hadn't, but it had been a close thing. There was blood on the wall next to Mark's face from Jackson's knuckles and absolute silence weighing down on them all.

The seconds seemed to drag into an eternity but then Jackson sobbed and the world started spinning again.

He fell against Mark's chest, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I would never – I didn't mean to.”

Mark didn't say anything, didn't do anything but grasp at Jackson's arms, neither pulling him closer or pushing him away, and Yugyeom couldn't read the expression on his face.

“I'm sorry.” Jackson said again. “I'm sorry - I'm just scared.”

“Why?” Mark asked and Yugyeom could hear his voice shaking. “This isn't happening to you.”

Yugyeom looked at Jaebum but their leader was watching the Mark and Jackson intently, sitting on the edge of his seat and ready to spring into action if necessary. He could tell from his expression that he knew what they were talking about and that it must be important because he wasn't trying to break it up or make them go elsewhere to have it out.

“What are you talking about?” Jackson bit around a sob, straightening up and unconsciously, or so Yugyeom thought, mirroring Mark's pose. “Of course this is happening to me, this is happening to all of us. You can't just pretend-.”

“Pretend what? That none of this is happening and I'm not going to be back in the States by the end of the week while the rest of you get to keep on living life as if nothing's changed.”

“What are you talking about?” Jackson asked even as Bambam repeated, “the States?”

Only Jackson continued, “do you really think we're going to be just carrying on as normal?”

“Why not?” Mark shot back. “None of you have-.”

But then he stopped himself and all emotion drained from his face. Without another word, he left the room.

They all started when they heard the door to Mark and Jackson's room slam shut but only Jackson made to move.

“Don't.” Jaebum said. “Give him some time”

Jackson returned to his chair and buried his head in his hands. He was crying, sobbing still, and Yugyeom had never seen him so upset.

“Hyungs,” Bambam said, voice barely above a whisper, “I don't understand. What's wrong? What's happened?”

Jaebum cleared his throat and Jinyoung shifted uncomfortably in his chair and now Yugyeom understood their reluctance to talk the previous night.

“You knew.” He said.

“Knew? Knew what?” Bambam asked.

“Mark hyung is-.” Jaebum started.

“He's got leukaemia.” Jackson said.

Yugyeom laughed.

“It's not a joke.” Jaebum snapped but it just made Yugyeom laugh even more. “Stop laughing!”

“You're lying.” Yugyeom said because Mark couldn't be sick. It didn't make any sense. They had been on the stage together only a couple of days before and everything up until the fall had been normal, even if they had been exhausted beyond belief, and Mark being clumsy didn't mean anything other than that. He didn't always make his tricks and sometimes he fell but that was all there was to it. That's all that there ever was.

He couldn't be sick.

“Where's the camera?” He asked, getting to his feet. His heart was pounding in his chest and his whole body was shaking. He didn't think, convinced they were being cruel and playing a joke on him, and everything that he could get his hands on was torn from it's place in the search for the hidden camera. “Where is it?”

Somebody shouted his name but he could barely hear it over the roaring in his ears. Then there were arms wrapping around his middle and holding him still but he kicked and fought against them, furious that they would lie to him about something so horrible.

“Yugyeom.” A familiar voice whispered in his ear. “Yugyeom, please.”

“You're lying to me.” He said.

But his heart was sinking in his chest.

“Oh, God.”

–

“ _Mark hyung?” He whispered, pushing the door to the bathroom open. “Hyung, are you in here?”_

_They were all on a mission to find their oldest and Yugyeom felt a certain thrill in chest when he thought about being the one to finally track him down. Not because he thought he could save Mark from a Jaebum on the warpath but, but just because._

_He liked spending time with Mark._

_He liked to tease him about his bad jokes and aim kicks at him during dance practice whenever Jaebum wasn't looking. He liked to make Mark laugh and duck away from his hands when he tried to tickle him._

_He didn't like the bruises on Mark's arm, though._

_In the shape of fingers, they circled his wrist and left dark marks all the way up his pale arm._

“ _Hyung?” He asked again and he saw Mark's eyes widen in the reflection of the mirror. He tugged his sleeve down even as Yugyeom stepped closer. “What happened to your arm?”_

“ _Nothing.” Mark said, trying to hide his arm behind his back even as Yugyeom made a grab for it._

_Concern bubbled in his chest along with a short burst of anger and, hesitantly, he asked, “did Jackson hyung do this to you?”_

_The shock on Mark's face lasted for only a second before he started to laugh._

“ _What?” He asked, the intense burst of emotion ebbing away into embarrassment. “Don't laugh!”_

_Mark laughed until it hurt to breathe._

_That was, at least, until Jaebum found them, shouting at the top of his lungs because they were late, and they ran from him and his bad mood, laughing all the way to the stage._

 


	2. The Middle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. I apologise for any mistakes I make, this is not beta read but I hope it will be just about readable! I just want to say that this story deals with a horrible illness and one that I would not wish on anyone, let alone the boys.

He let himself be helped back into his chair and he stared blankly ahead.

“I don't understand.” Yugyeom said at last. He ducked his head when he realised he was being stared at by everyone but Jackson. He was still crying, Yugyeom saw, his head still clutched in his hands, but now Jinyoung had a hand on his shoulder and Youngjae hovered at the back of his chair, his own eyes wet with tears but wanting to be brave for Jackson as well. “How long have you known?”

“Since yesterday.” Jinyoung answered. “We didn't know much, though.”

“We've still got to wait for all his test results to come back before we know exactly what kind of leukaemia he has and how bad it is.” Jaebum added.

“When-?” Bambam's voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “When will he get them back?”

“Not long.” Jaebum shrugged. “A couple of days.”

“And then what?” Yugyeom asked and his voice sounded loud in his ears, stilted and unsteady.

“Then he starts getting better.” Jackson said and he was sitting up and shrugging himself free of Jinyoung's grip. His words were full of such conviction that Yugyeom couldn't help but take hope from them, even with Jaebum and Jinyoung's solemn gazes. “He'll get chemo and fight it and be back before we notice he's gone. It's going to be okay.”

Jackson seemed to be rebuilding himself before their eyes. The tears stopped and his shoulders relaxed even as he gritted his jaw. A determined look replaced the helplessness and fear that had been there just seconds before. It was all a mask, Yugyeom knew that in his heart of hearts, but he followed Jackson's lead. He wanted to believe, too.

They finished their meal even though it had long gone cold and none of them were hungry anymore. It was something routine, something comfortable, that they could fall back on.

Once they had finished, Jackson heated up what they had left for Mark and disappeared into their shared room. He emerged while they were still clearing the table, his lips pressed together in a thin line, with the tray of food untouched.

“Leave it on the side.” Jinyoung said to him. “He might be hungry later.”

Later came and went and Mark didn't appear. Even if they all kept glancing at the hall that lead to their bedrooms as if they expected him to appear at any second, grin firmly in place and laughter bubbling from his lips as he mocked them all for falling for his joke.

They ate again and started to drift off to do their own thing: Youngjae went to his room to call his parents, Jaebum and Bambam went for a walk, Jackson went for a shower.

Jinyoung stayed with him on the sofa and didn't complain when Yugyeom dumped his feet in his lap or even when he put on a TV programme he knew his hyung didn't like.

Jinyoung seemed to be drifting off to sleep even though it wasn't that late. He wondered if he had slept much the night before, knowing what he had known, if he'd sleep tonight now that the secret was out.

He was angry at Jaebum and Jinyoung. Angry that they had treated the younger three like babies and kept something so big from them. He was angry that they'd let them laugh and joke when their whole world was ending. It hadn't been fair for them to do that. It hadn't been fair at all.

Though, he could understand it – if he was putting his grown up head on. He could understand wanting to preserve their innocence for just one more day, to keep them laughing and smiling until the end. He guessed it made them feel better to do that. The last bit of denial before they had to step up for the younger ones. He couldn't imagine it. Holding back the horror and fear he was feeling now and pretending that everything was normal, that everything was okay. He didn't think there could be such a thing again.

But it made him think, how long had Mark known? How long had he put up with his body failing him and not said a word? Had put up with Jaebum's disappointed stares when he missed a step or his own teasing when all he wanted to do was sleep? He knew that he could take it too far sometimes, that they all could, and he knew that at some point in the last few weeks he had contributed to Mark feeling worse than he already was.

He felt guilty.

How had he not noticed?

-

_It was rare that Yugyeom got sole control of a camera for their behind the scenes videos. Mark and Bambam usually got first dibs and Youngjae was always willing to take the camera from them when they got bored. Jackson preferred to be filmed rather than film anyone else and Jaebum and Jinyoung could be persuaded if they were in the right kind of mood._

_Yugyeom didn't like being in control of the camera. It made him feel awkward and he couldn't talk his way through it with a smile like Youngjae could._

_Still, today he didn't mind because he'd managed to complete his self-given mission of finding Mark. It had taken nearly 15 minutes of on and off searching, though mostly off because Bambam had taken four attempts to record a message for the fans, never quite happy with how Yugyeom was holding the camera or the lighting in the room, but he'd done it at last._

_Mark was sleeping. There was nothing particularly entertaining about that except for the absurdity of where Mark had decided to hide in order to take a nap. Yugyeom had had to jam a fist into his mouth to keep from laughing._

_He would never have thought to check the space between the back of one of the huge, metal trunks that were always littered all over waiting rooms and the wall but he had been attracted by a sound he recognised: Mark's quiet snoring. It was a clever hiding spot, the lid of the trunk pushed open against the wall and hiding Mark from view entirely, and Yugyeom thanked the cold that Mark had for giving away his position._

_It was awkward trying to get into the small space, he was taller than Mark and his shoulders were much broader, but it was worth it for extreme close up he was able to take of Mark's slack face, open mouth and drool and all. He managed it without waking Mark and spent a minute or more fumbling with the camera before finally being able to get it into focus._

_He poked at Mark's face and blew at his hair, stifling giggles as Mark twitched in his sleep._

“ _Hyung.” He whispered and then, when he received no response, he leaned forwards and screamed into his ear._

_The response was instantaneous. Jerking from sleep, Yugyeom saw and heard as he hit his head and his arms and his shoulders as he scrabbled around, trying to work out what had happened and where he was, his breaths coming in shallow gasps even as he swore._

_Mark hadn't spoken to him for the rest of the day but it had been worth it._

-

When he was sure Jinyoung was asleep he pulled his phone from his pocket and searched for the video he had watched on loop earlier that day.

He watched it again and again and again as he tried to work out what it was he felt like he was missing. Over and over he watched it until he realised something. The bruises Mark had on his face from his fall, black and purple and painful, were on his forehead and the right side of his face. There were no marks around his nose like he had expected there to be with so much blood.

He watched the video again and this time he saw what he had really been missing.

Mark's nose had been bleeding before he'd hit the floor.

There was only the briefest of glimpses of Mark's face as he fell and the video became too pixelated if he tried to zoom in too much but he was certain of what he'd seen.

“What are you watching?”

Yugyeom jumped and his phone slipped from his fingers, thankfully landing screen down on his chest.

“Nothing.” He replied a little too quickly.

Jinyoung looked like he didn't believe him but he dropped it, much to his relief.

“Are JB and Bambam back yet?” He asked instead through a yawn.

“Not yet.” He answered and then offered up without any kind of prodding, “no sign of Mark either but I think I heard Jackson go into Youngjae's room after his shower.”

Jinyoung nodded and then, after a pause, asked, “how are you feeling?”

“I think I'll be almost fully better by tomorrow morning. My throat is still sore but it's much better.”

“That's not what I meant.” Said Jinyoung.

Yugyeom felt an unexpected anger flare in his chest and he snapped, “how do you think I feel? Mark is _dying_.”

It felt wrong to say it out loud, too real and too frightening.

Jinyoung didn't flinch. Instead he weighed his words before he next spoke and, unlike Jackson, didn't try to offer up any false hope. Jinyoung was far too practical and it both infuriated him and brought him great comfort. Jinyoung would keep him grounded one way or another.

“We don't know how bad it is yet.” He said. “He won't be able to stay with us whatever the case.”

“Why?” Yugyeom asked, feeling like a petulant child.

“Do you really think it's fair to Mark hyung to keep him locked up in the dorm while we go out and perform or drag him all over Asia just so he can be with us?” Jinyoung asked and didn't wait for an answer before continuing. “Because we're going to have to keep working even if Mark can't. We still have a job to do whatever happens. We all signed contracts and we can't get out of them just because one of us has to leave. Would you really want to give up everything we've worked for?”

“Yes.” He said, instantly. “I want to be with Mark.”

Jinyoung smiled at him, soft and sad, “oh, Yugyeommie... I'm sorry.”

Yugyeom's heart pounded painfully in his chest and his cheeks flushed red. He waited for Jinyoung to change the subject.

“He's going to go back to the States.” Jinyoung said eventually, his words slow and even as if he was saying something as ordinary as what they were having for dinner instead of tearing Yugyeom's whole world apart. “It'll be best for him to be with his family-.”

“We're his family, too.”

Jinyoung continued as if he hadn't been interrupted, “the doctors are already sending information over to a hospital in LA. He'll probably be gone by the end of the week.”

“Then why doesn't he just go?” Yugyeom asked and he was crying.

“His chest.” Jinyoung answered. “He's still fighting the infection, they want to make sure he's well enough to travel – I don't think they want it to get any worse. They've given him something to take already while they wait for the test results to come back, I think they just want to be certain before they let him travel to the other side of the world. Besides, don't you think he needs some time to say goodbye?”

Ice cold fear shot through him, halting his tears, “it's not goodbye. We can go visit when when we're on breaks and we can talk to him on Skype everyday. It's not goodbye.”

“No,” Jinyoung agreed, “for us it's not but for the fans and his career and his whole life here it is.”

“He'll get better.” Yugyeom told him and he thought of the way Jackson had held himself when he had said those words. Yugyeom didn't think he could be as strong as Jackson but he was scared enough to try. “He's strong, he'll fight it.”

“I know he will.” Jinyoung said and he was running a soothing hand up and down Yugyeom's shin. “But getting better is going to take years, not months. There's no quick fix for this kind of thing.”

Yugyeom wanted to say more but then one of the doors down the hall was opening and he lost his chance. He hurriedly tried to wipe away the traces of tears on his cheeks until he realised it was Youngjae who had come to join them. Yugyeom stopped trying to hide and instead they cried together, Youngjae's head on his shoulder and his breath hot on his neck, and they held on to one another so tight it felt as if either of them were to let go then they would float away into nothingness.

He didn't notice when Jackson joined them or even when he finally exhausted himself enough to fall asleep. He was only vaguely aware of Jaebum carrying him to bed but he was asleep again when their leader tucked him into bed like a child.

The next morning Yugyeom was one of the last to appear in the kitchen. Youngjae was still sleeping but that didn't surprise him, they had been up late the night before, after all, and Youngjae liked his sleep more than any of them. He was, however, shocked to see Mark sitting at the table, unshowered and hair unkempt, with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

Yugyeom was still mostly asleep when he took a seat, his brain not quite having fully processed the events of the day before, and helped himself to a bowl of cereal. He was on his second mouthful when he finally noticed the tension in the room.

He nearly choked when he heard Jackson say, “are you going to even try to eat today or are you just going to sulk like yesterday?”

It took a second or two to catch his breath but when he did he opened his mouth to tell Jackson off. He shut it again immediately when he actually looked at Jackson because, as hard as he was trying to look annoyed and stern, there was no way he could hide the fear on his face.

Yugyeom's heart ached.

Jackson had everything that Yugyeom had ever wanted with Mark but for the first time in a long time he didn't feel the bitter sting of jealousy when he looked at them. He thought that, maybe, Jackson was just what Mark needed right now. Someone strong-willed enough to bully him into looking after himself, he'd seen Jackson do it before, though, he hadn't appreciated it fully at the time.

Because even though Mark was glaring at Jackson it was obvious that he needed someone to push him to look after himself. He had gotten too sick, too quickly and it was only bound to get worse without someone there to set him back on the right track again. Yugyeom didn't think he was strong enough to do that, not even for Mark.

As they continued to glare at one another Yugyeom took the opportunity to look at Mark and actually _see_ him for the first time in what felt like months.

He was thinner than Yugyeom remembered. His cheeks were gaunt and his fingers looked brittle enough to snap as he clutched at the table top. He had always been skinny, too skinny and too slight to be the oldest Yugyeom had always teased, but now it was enough to make him feel sick.

There was no gleam in his eyes anymore. His lips were chapped and sore and the same pale colour as the rest of his skin. He looked frail and exhausted and nothing like the Mark he knew.

He needed to start to eat, he needed to get better.

“Do you want something different from cereal?” Yugyeom asked. “Something you might like better?”

“Don't treat me like a child.” Mark spat, his glare coming to rest on Yugyeom now instead and making him flinch away. Mark had never spoken to him so cruelly before.

“If you act like a child then we'll treat you like one, _hyung_.” Jackson snapped back when Yugyeom could do nothing but stare and his emphasis on the honorific made Mark's nostrils flare. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday.” Mark said.

“When yesterday?” Jackson asked. “I didn't see you eat at the hospital and you definitely didn't eat when you got home. So when?”

Mark said something in Mandarin, too quick for Yugyeom to make any sense of, but Jackson understood what it was and his face drained of all colour.

“What do you mean?” He asked, speaking in Korean so that they could all understand. Maybe, Yugyeom thought, so they could tell him that he had misheard whatever it was Mark had said.

Mark spoke again in Mandarin, his voice louder and more firm, but Yugyeom still didn't understand. He didn't think that anyone apart from Jackson did and he knew that that was what Mark wanted. They often spoke Mandarin and English when they didn't want the others to understand. It had always been more of a joke before, except for those few rare rows where Mandarin always seemed to be the language of choice, but it wasn't funny now.

Jackson looked ready to hit something but instead stood abruptly, his chair scraping loudly against the floor, and poked a finger into Mark's shoulder. He, too, said something in Mandarin before storming out the front door, barely pausing to pick up a jacket and shoes.

There was an uncomfortable silence then and the slamming of the door rang in all their ears.

Eventually Jaebum cleared his throat and tried to continue on as if nothing had happened, “would you prefer soup? There's still some left from last night we can heat up.”

Mark shook his head before cradling it in his hands and pulling at his hair. His chest rattled as he tried to calm his breathing and Yugyeom felt his heart swell with sadness.

“Do you want to go out for breakfast?” Jinyoung asked.

Mark shook his head again, seemingly out of words, and he stood to leave but his legs weren't strong enough to hold his weight and he collapsed back into his chair.

“Are you okay?” Bambam asked, already halfway out of his own seat to go and help.

“Yes.” Mark said but he was lying.

And suddenly he didn't seem able to catch his breath. He coughed and spluttered and his whole body shook. They were all on their feet in an instant but only Jaebum and Jinyoung moved any closer.

“What's wrong? What's happening?” Bambam asked.

“Is he okay?” Yugyeom heard himself ask.

Mark shied away from Jinyoung's hand on his shoulder and he held on to the edge of the table as if it was the only thing keeping his upright. Maybe it was.

“Mark.” Jaebum barked. “Mark, look at me.”

Mark did as he was told, reacting on instinct to the authoritative tone.

“I need you to take a deep breath for me, can you do that? On the count of three I want you to-.”

But Yugyeom wasn't watching anymore, he couldn't bare to.

He ran from the room, not thinking about where he was going but just needing to get away, and it wasn't until his legs were ready to give out from underneath him that he realised that he wasn't even in their dorm building anymore.

Thankfully he was somewhere that he recognised, a park a couple of blocks from the dorm, but he was less than pleased with himself for running out without any shoes on. It had rained earlier in the morning and the tarmac was still wet. Not that he could really bring himself to care. He wasn't in the dorm anymore and that was all that mattered.

“Yugyeom!”

He heard his name being called and before he could work out where it was coming from an arm was being slung around his shoulders.

“Yugyeom, what's wrong? What's happened? Is Mark okay?”

It was Jackson, of course it would be him, and he had taken one look at Yugyeom and assumed the worst.

“I don't know.” Yugyeom replied and he was crying. He was surprised he had any tears left. “I think so, JB hyung is with him but I couldn't – I needed to get out.”

Jackson let out a long breath and the tension leaked from his body, “so we don't have to go straight back?”

“I don't have any shoes.” Yugyeom said.

Jackson laughed and pulled him close and Yugyeom thought it was more for his benefit than Yugyeom's own but he made sure to hold Jackson tight. He needed it.

They went to one of their regular cafes on the way back to the dorm and Jackson bought them both ice cream even though it was barely mid-morning.

They didn't talk much, tucked away on a couple of armchairs right at the back of the cafe, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Jackson was as capable as the rest of them at spending time in silence, it was just, more often than not, he preferred not to.

Jackson finished his ice cream quickly and only complained a little bit about getting brain freeze. They shared the rest of Yugyeom's ice cream between them and this time Jackson took his time to enjoy it.

“You know,” Jackson said, suddenly, “Mark and I came here on our first date.”

Yugyeom tried to picture it in his mind, “I thought you would have gone somewhere a bit more...”

He gestured with his hand and Jackson smiled, “it hardly fits, does it? But we were trainees and neither of us had much money. It worked for us. Obviously.”

It didn't make him sad to think of Jackson and Mark, not like before, but it didn't mean that the situation didn't hurt any less.

“I wish none of this was happening.”

Jackson's smile was bitter this time, “wishing it wasn't happening doesn't change the fact that it is. We have to just make sure Mark gets better and that he wants it, too.”

“What-?”

“Nothing.” Jackson shook his head. “It's nothing. He's just not thinking right at the moment.”

“It's a lot.” Yugyeom agreed. He put his spoon down on the table and took a deep breath before saying, “I don't think he means to be so horrible to you.”

“I know.” Jackson shrugged. “I'm just an easy target at the moment. I know he doesn't mean it, he's just scared.”

“It still hurts, though.” He said because he could see on Jackson's face that it did. “What do you think is going to happen?”

“He's going to go back to the States, get chemotherapy and get better.” Jackson replied, simply. “I can't think about it any other way.””

“Are you going to go with him?”

Jackson didn't look at him, “I want to. I want to more than anything, I'd live in his hospital room if he let me. But I know him. He wouldn't want me to give up any of this for him because he doesn't want to give it up either. But I think it'll help him, you know, having the rest of us still together and keeping the dream going. It'll give him something to work towards, push him to get better.”

They left shortly after that, Yugyeom wearing Jackson's too small shoes because the other had insisted.

Mark was asleep on the sofa when they arrived back at the dorms and Yugyeom felt guilty for the relief that shot through him at the sight.

After lunch, which Mark did eat, just a little, the three eldest left for JYP's offices. Yugyeom was glad he hadn't been asked to go. He didn't want any part of the difficult conversation that was sure to be taking place.

Jinyoung supervised from the kitchen as the three youngest cleaned the rest of the dorm. They weren't trusted to help with the kitchen, or so Jinyoung said. Yugyeom thought that he just wanted some time by himself.

It was late evening by the time that the others returned and Yugyeom and Bambam had resorted to cleaning their room by then in order to make their day pass quicker. They hadn't made much progress, and really the room was probably messier than when they had started, when they were called for their evening meal.

Just like the night before they all sat at the table but there was none of the tension that had plagued them yesterday. Mark was mostly silent but he ate most of what Jackson put in front of him and Yugyeom was glad. The two of them seemed more settled than they had been last time Yugyeom had seen them together, less likely to snap, and he wondered what had been decided. If anything had.

Jaebum spoke as they were finishing their food, “Mark needs to go back to the hospital tomorrow for his test results.”

Yugyeom tensed immediately, though, he knew he should have expected Jaebum to say something like that. Youngjae grabbed for his hand under the table and Yugyeom gripped it, tightly.

“And if the doctors say it's okay, then he and Jackson will fly to LA the day after.” Jaebum continued. “The rest of us will stay here and start practice – we still have the rest of the promotions to do. We can't let anyone down.”

“Are you being serious?” Yugyeom snapped, unable to stop himself. “Jackson gets to go with Mark and the rest of us just have to carry on like nothing has changed?”

“That's not what I'm saying.” Jaebum said and his voice was calm despite the fierce look on his face.

“It sure sounds like it.” Yugyeom huffed.

“Can't we all go?” Bambam asked. “Don't you want us all to be there with you, Mark hyung?”

Mark's eyes were trained on the table and he didn't open his mouth to speak.

“You don't want us there, do you?” Hurt, intense and overwhelming, stabbed at him and tears prickled at his eyes.

“Why?” Youngjae asked, looking as devastated as Yugyeom felt. “Why wouldn't you want us there? We want to help you get better.”

“Look,” Jackson said, “whatever the treatment is, it's not going to be pretty. Mark's going to be in the hospital the whole time and probably too sick to do much of anything. It's not worth us all going.”

“Then why just you?” Yugyeom asked even though he knew why. “Why can't I come, too?”

“Because-.” Jackson started.

“Because I don't want you there.” Mark said and Yugyeom's heart stopped beating. “I don't want any of you to be there. This is going to be the worst time of my life, if I even survive it, I'm going to be sick all the time and I'm going to lose my hair and- and I don't want any of you to see me like that. When you think of me I want you to remember me like I am now and not what the cancer has made me.”

Mark was crying then and it was the first time since any of this had begun that Yugyeom had seen him do so. It was an ugly thing to watch, even with Mark hiding his face behind his hands, and Yugyeom couldn't help but cry, too.

“Hey,” Jackson said, his voice thick. “Don't talk like that. You're not going to die.”

“You don't know that.” Mark choked.

“I do.” Jackson pulled Mark's hands from his face and tilted his chin so that their eyes met. “I do because you're strong and you're going to fight this with everything you've got. I know you, Mark, I know how strong you are.”

“We all do.” Youngjae added, squeezing Yugyeom's hand. “We've all seen it.”

“Let us come with you.” Yugyeom pleaded, unable to let it go. “Let us help.”

“Yugyeom.” Jaebum's voice was full of warning as he dragged out the syllables of his name.

“It's Mark's decision.” Jinyoung said. “You can't be selfish about this.”

“Then why does Jackson-.”

“I'm going for a week.” Jackson said. “That's all. Then I'm coming back for a week of practice before promotions start again. After that- after that I don't know when-.”

He wasn't able to finish his sentence. The words were caught in his throat and no matter how many times he opened and closed his mouth no sound escaped. Mark moved forwards and rested his forehead against Jackson's, wrapping his frail arms around Jackson's shoulders and obscuring their faces from view.

“When we have a break we'll come see you.” Bambam promised. “And we can go to the beach or go surfing.”

Yugyeom knew that Bambam was being naïve but he couldn't stop himself from nodding his head in agreement.

“You'll let us come visit you, won't you?” Youngjae asked. “You won't make us stay away?”

“I won't let him.” Jackson told them. “I won't let him end things here.”

Mark started to sob then and Jackson pulled him onto his lap. Yugyeom wondered about what Jackson said and prayed that Mark wouldn't try to push them away. Tomorrow couldn't be their last day together.

“We'll always be Got7.” Jaebum said, firmly, though he was wiping away tears of his own. “Nothing is going to change that.”

Yugyeom wanted to believe him but he couldn't. He didn't know how they could possibly be Got7 when there was only going to be six of them. It didn't make any sense.

But then there was a curse and Jackson was grabbing for something on the table and it took a couple of seconds for Yugyeom to work out what he was doing. He made to move but Jinyoung beat him to it, grabbing a dishcloth from the counter and pressing it against Mark's face before Yugyeom could even get to his feet.

“Another nosebleed.” Jackson said and he seemed more resigned than scared.

Yugyeom fell back in his chair.

Another.

-

“ _Mark hyung!” Yugyeom shouted through the door, angry because it was still really early and Jaebum, Jackson and Jinyoung had been more concerned with helping, or more likely, watching and laughing at, Youngjae trying and failing to tie his shoes while still half asleep than making sure everyone else was ready. “Mark hung, we're going to be late! Are you ready yet?”_

_He didn't wait for a reply and instead barged into the room, uncaring about any kind of manners at this time in the morning. He was half expecting to see Mark still in bed or still getting dressed but he was instead surprised to see Mark fully clothed, including shoes, sat on the edge of his bed._

“ _Mark hyung.” Yugyeom snapped. “What are you doing?”_

_Mark gestured at his face and Yugyeom finally noticed the wad of tissues he had pressed to his nose._

_He stared at it, stupidly, as his mind struggled to catch up, “what?”_

“ _Nosebleed.” Mark said with a roll of his eyes._

“ _Oh!” Yugyeom rushed forwards, hands outstretched. “What do you want me to do?”_

_Mark gave him a puzzled look, “nothing. It's just a nosebleed.”_

“ _Are you sure?” Yugyeom asked and his next words were accompanied with a hot surge of jealousy. “I can go get Jackson?”_

_Mark snorted, “why? What's he going to do?”_

“ _I don't know.” Yugyeom answered with a shrug. “Provide emotional support?”_

“ _I'll be out in two minutes.” Mark said with another roll of his eyes. “Go make sure that they don't leave without me. Again.”_

“ _That was one time!” Yugyeom protested but he was already on his way out of the door, knowing he still had Bambam to contend with and really not looking forward to the task._

_By the time he met the others by the door, a near 20 minutes later due to a shoe dilemma turned wardrobe crisis with Bambam, he had completely forgotten about the conversation he'd had with Mark._

-

The nosebleed was a heavy one.

After the dishcloth had become completely saturated, Mark had ended up leaning over the kitchen sink and pinching at his nose while the rest of them hovered, nervously.

“Should we call an ambulance?” Bambam asked after 10 minutes and the bleeding showing no sign of stopping.

“Give it a little bit longer.” Jaebum said. “Then we'll decide.”

It took another 10 minutes for the bleeding to begin to slow and then another 10 before it finally finished. Mark was pale and sweating and shaking and Yugyeom thought they should take him to the hospital anyway, just to be safe.

“I'm going in the morning anyway.” Mark said, his voice breathy. “I'll talk to the doctor then.”

Yugyeom felt uneasy but relented when no one else seemed like they wanted to argue the point. He watched Jinyoung clean the sink out and tried not to think about how much of Mark's blood had run down the drain.

Mark and Jackson left for their room then and the rest of them watched a film that none of them really paid any attention to, what had just happened and what was going to happen in the next couple of days resting heavily on all of their shoulders.

When Yugyeom finally went to bed he spent hours tossing and turning only to fall into half-dreams that made his insides twist and his hands curl up into fists. He wasn't surprised when he was more tired when he woke than when he had gone to bed.

He was there to wave Mark and Jackson off when they left for the hospital and then lingering by the door at the right time to greet them when they returned.

“So?” He asked as they pulled their shoes off.

“Wait for us to get in.” Jackson scolded as he shrugged off his jacket before helping Mark with his.

Yugyeom retreated to the living room where everyone else was waiting and perched on the arm of the sofa next to Jaebum, leaning into his body heat when he wrapped an arm around Yugyeom's waist.

“Good news.” Jackson said as he and Mark entered the living room, hands entwined. “The doctors have cleared Mark for flying home tomorrow.”

“The bad news?” Jaebum asked.

“It's definitely cancer.” Jackson said.

“And?” Jinyoung pressed.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Mark muttered, staring at the floor. “I... I'm going to go lay down for a while.”

They let him go and Yugyeom watched as Jackson stared after him.

“It's bad.” Jackson said once they heard the door to his and Mark's room open and then close again. “But not as bad as it could have been.”

“What are-.” Jaebum started.

“Good.” Jackson said, firmly, and Yugyeom didn't know if he was telling the truth or trying to convince both them and himself what he was saying was real. “They're really good.”

Then the subject was dropped and they watched some television, none of them really sure what to do with themselves. None of them really spoke much and the atmosphere was tense and awkward and exhausting. 

At midday, Yugyeom went out with Jinyoung and Youngjae to get food and returned with bags full of Mark's favourite dishes.

The seven of them ate together at the table and spoke a lot without really saying anything. It felt normal, strangely so, especially after the morning they had had, and it made Yugyeom feel guilty.

“Is there anything you want to do?” He asked. “Anywhere you want to go before you leave?”

Mark shrugged.

“We could go to the park,” Youngjae suggested, “take Coco with us. It isn't too cold outside.”

“Or maybe a museum or something you've always wanted to go but never had chance.” Jinyoung said.

“A museum?” Bambam sounded affronted.

“It's Mark's decision.” Jaebum told him.

“I don't want to go to a museum.” Mark said. “I don't want to go anywhere. But can we, uh, can we make a video? For the fans. I want to thank them.”

“Yeah.” Jaebum agreed, an expression on his face that Yugyeom wasn't able to read. “We can do that.”

After they finished eating, Jaebum called their manager while the others went into the living room. Yugyeom wasn't surprised to hear their doorbell go less than a half hour later but he was grateful. He could tell that Mark was nervous and knew from personal experience that the longer he had to wait, the more nerve-wracking the situation would become.

“This isn't stupid.” Yugyeom heard Mark ask Jackson when he thought none of them were listening “Is it?”

“No.” Jackson replied, kissing Mark's cheek. “Of course not.”

Their manager stayed to help them set up the camera but not any longer than that, agreeing with Jackson the time that he'd collect him and Mark in the morning before letting himself out.

They older four arranged themselves on the sofa and the younger three sat at their feet. Yugyeom chose to rest his back against Jinyoung's legs, knowing not only that he'd be a steadying presence but also because Jinyoung was sat next to Mark and Yugyeom wanted to be as close to him as possible without making himself look as desperate as he felt.

Once they were settled and declared they were ready, or as ready as they were ever going to be to do something like this, Jaebum addressed the camera, “our dear fans, we must thank you for all the kind words and gifts you have sent us in the last couple of days. We are all very grateful for the love you have shown us and we will hold onto this feeling during the hard times that are ahead.

“You must understand that this has not been an easy decision to make and that if we could have prevented any of this from happening then we would have. Unfortunately the world is not always a kind place and terrible things happen to good people – things that we cannot control.” He paused for a moment and cleared his throat. “And in this world you sometimes have to say goodbye to one of your brothers even though it hurts you to do so.

“I am sorry to have to say this, and even sorrier for it to be true, but one of our members has to leave us.” Jaebum's voice cracked and when Yugyeom looked at him he saw his head was ducked and his hair was covering his eyes.

He could hear some sniffling from his left and knew that Youngjae was crying. He reached out for him and grabbed his hand as Youngjae had done for him the day before. Youngjae's grip was painfully tight but Yugyeom did not let go.

“I'm sick.” Mark said then, his voice quiet. “I'm really sick. I- I...”

“He's too sick to stay.” Jackson said when Mark continued to stutter. He had his arm wrapped around Mark's waist and their fingers were entwined on Mark's lap. “And the treatment he needs is going to need all the energy he had so that one day he will be well enough to come back to us.”

“I'm sorry.” Mark said and Yugyeom felt tears burn at his eyes.

“Hey!” Jinyoung scolded. “Don't say that.”

“I'm sorry.” Mark repeated, his voice shaking. “I'm sorry that I am going to have to leave you and I am sorry for all the pain that this will cause. I know that there will be some of you that are angry at me for this but-.”

“Hyung!” Bambam interrupted.

“I'm sorry.” Mark said again and then he shifted in his seat. He pulled a scrap of paper from his jean pocket and Yugyeom couldn't bear to watch him unfold it, the trembling of his hands making Yugyeom's tears spill down his cheeks. “I have prepared some things that I want to say.”

Yugyeom felt Jinyoung's fingers in his hair and he leaned into the touch.

“To our fans I want to say thank you. You will never understand the happiness that you have brought me and I want to you to know that because of you I have been able to live my dream. I also want to say thank you because it is because of you that I have met the second half of my family. Please look after my brothers. I know that they'll be brave for you and continue to do their best for you. I know they'll continue to make you smile even if I can't.

“To my brothers, I also want to say thank you. The gift you have given me is too special to put into words. You have given me the best years of my life and I am sorry that I won't be at your side to see all the amazing things you're going to do in the years to come. Please always remember that I am proud of you and wish you nothing but success in our time apart.”

Mark stopped then and Yugyeom heard him crumple the paper in his hands. He didn't look, though, he couldn't. Tears were streaming from his eyes and it was taking everything he had to keep from sobbing. He could hear others crying as well but he was too caught up in his own grief to try and comfort anyone else.

“So, you do have thoughts!” Jackson joked through a sob, his words jarring with the solemn atmosphere, and Yugyeom couldn't help but laugh because what else was there to do? He had cried too much in the last few days, laughter was a welcome relief even if it made him feel guilty.

“I do.” Mark responded but he was laughing, too, even as he wiped away his tears. “Sometimes. I just don't like to share them with you.”

“What are you trying to say?” Jackson asked and there was that familiar tone in his voice, the one that Yugyeom hadn't heard for the last few days and hadn't even realised he missed.

“They're too sophisticated for you.” Jinyoung joined in.

“Obviously.” Mark said through a smile, eyes only for Jackson.

And it became easier for them then. Words flowed as they spoke about the time they had shared together and the memories they had made. They remembered the good things that had happened and joked about embarrassing hairstyles and outfit choices and it felt so good to celebrate everything they had worked so hard for.

By the time that they were saying their farewells and making their promises that this wasn't actually goodbye, not really, Yugyeom felt better, stronger, like he could face the days ahead. 

 


End file.
